Paint it Black
by Nausikaa
Summary: He had always felt a bit guilty, because maybe if he had paid her a little more attention, she would be sitting in his living room laughing instead of writing him farewell letters.


**Disclaimer** Harry Potter is not mine, Bellatrix is not mine, though I do have Sirius chained up in my basement...

A/N: Oh boy, look at me, updating. So, in this story I figured that Bellatrix was a year younger than Sirius, cause that's what I needed her to be in order to make this work. And I know, this letter would never happen in canon, what with the whole i hate your guts and i just killed you thing, so this fic is kind of AU. But, if you read OotP closely, you'll realize Sirius isn't really dead. Because, after all, sexiness never dies.

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**Paint it Black**

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_Sirius,_

_The mere letters of your name bring back countless memories; memories of times when you did not want me dead and I didn't have to pretend to hate you. Do you remember those times? When we were Queen Bellatrix and King Sirius of the Woodland Realm, even though our regal forested kingdom was really just made up of the shrubs in front of your house? Do you still think about the times before you called me Satan and I called you a blood traitor? I do; after all these years, I still think about them.._

_I do not know if you've heard or not, but I'll be getting married next week. His name is Rodolphus Lestrange; he went to school at Beauxbatons Academy in France, and we met in the service of the Dark Lord. He reminds me of you a little bit. Oh, he doesn't have the penchant for trouble-making that you possess, but he does have the same dark hair and eyes, the same fiery temper. Perhaps that is why I find myself so drawn to him._

_We have not been on the best of terms these past few years, to say the least. I am no idiot, I know there is a very high possibility of you tearing up this letter the second you recognize my handwriting. Yet, on the off chance that you do read it, I have some parting words for you. Really, though, I want to say goodbye._

_Did you know, back when I first entered the hallowed halls of Hogwarts, a tiny part of me yearned to be placed in Gryffindor, with you? But I have not the courage that you do, and in the end I went to Slytherin, because Mother would not have been able to deal with another disappointment. And, after all, what actions in my life have not been committed in order to please her? I found friends there, yet I also found myself wondering about what could have been. Though now I fear that seven years there have changed me beyond recognition, warped my views, hardened my heart and blackened my soul._

_After graduation, I joined the Dark Lord because it was what was expected of a Black, although I will admit to myself that at first I found the prospect of such power appealing. It is not without its perks, and I have learned more under the Dark Lord's apprenticeship than I did in my entire Hogwarts career. The control, the supremacy over others is enjoyable, though I often feel as if it is all imagined. There are other, perhaps better ways to gain power, and fear is not the same thing as respect._

_What would you say if you could see me now? You would be disappointed, I know. And that is why I am writing you this letter, because I can not bear to see the shame and displeasure in your eyes; you, who I once looked up to, who I once loved. Who I still love. _

_It is in this letter that I say goodbye. I doubt my husband-to-be would look favorably upon a regular correspondence with you. Don't give in to the dark, Sirius. You do not have to be black because you are so named. I envy you, you still have a choice, a free-will, while I have fallen too deeply into the shadowy chasm of pain and death to find my way back out again. Do you hate me, dear cousin? You probably do. In the end, I was too weak, and the darkness won, and sometimes, I hate myself too._

_For the last time,_

_Bellatrix_

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Sirius stared at the letter on the coffee table. It was like an ethereal message from the past. He had tried so hard to forget her, how dare she remind him like this. She had no right, _no right_ to just waltz right in and shatter every protective wall he had put up around himself. But that was Bella for you. She listened to no one.

He still remembered the moment in which the Sorting Hat had shouted out _Slytherin!_ and she had pulled it off her head, disappointment visible upon her features for only the briefest second, until her face had once again lapsed into the cold mask that it so often occupied. He had tried not to show any emotion, after all, how many times had he told his friends how much he despised his family, how they were all pureblood maniacs who should be committed to an insane asylum? But James had looked at him oddly, and Sirius had been silent for the rest of the feast.

It was funny, really, how one small word could change the course of two lives forever. But one word was all it took, and their two paths, which had once been running parallel, had abruptly turned in polar opposite directions.

He did miss the days when they would play in the front yard, gallantly slaying dragons that looked suspiciously like squirrels and saving the kingdom time and time again. And he hadn't forgotten; how could he?

Her marriage was not unexpected, though it was unwelcome. Secretly, he had hoped Bellatrix would renounce her old ways and come back to the light, but this marriage cemented her path and now she was gone forever, and that hurt just a little bit more than he wanted it to.

He had always felt a little bit guilty, because he had James and Remus and Peter and who did she have? Because maybe if he had just paid her a little more attention instead of giving up so easily, she would be sitting in his living room right now laughing and they would be reminiscing about old times, and she would not be writing him farewell letters.

He wished he could say goodbye to her face, he wished that she knew she would not see disappointment if she looked in his eyes. And he wished she knew that no, he did not, he would not ever, hate her.

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_Fin._

_Aww, that was sad. At least, I thought it was. Sirius and Bella are my favorite characters...odd combination, I know. So if you liked it, it would be really awesome if you would tell me in a review._


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